Direction

What a week. I found myself scouring the state of Wisconsin for any place or service that could be of some service to my mother. I had my plate full, and at times definitely was overwhelmed....somewhere in that process though, I found support, I found a way to tackle the situation. And I'm very thankful my prayers were answered...and for everyone else who joined me in prayer. As I mentioned, I finally found this place called the Hebron House. Somewhere my mother could stay temporarily, and depending on how her stay goes, she may be able to get further help and assistance with the issues that really need to be addressed.

My stress levels seemed to decrease little by little, and as more people stepped up to offer support, and as more things began to fall into place...I saw my prayers being answered slowly but surely. I can't really pinpoint the time in which I went from "paralyzed to completely mobile" but I can tell you there was a definite change in my overall demeanor, outlook, and attitude. I have a sense of peace. One I am not sure I have ever had before. A kind of peace that can only come from my maker. A kind of peace that no matter how bad the situation might be, I know he's there and has a plan for all this in the end...and that he has all along.

But for now, this temporary solution seems to be okay. It's actually a house, and it's nice inside. The kitchen is shared, and all food is everyone's. There's a lot. They have access to the phone, they are on the busline, and they will be assigned a case worker. She didn't hate it, and that's a plus.

It's not going to be easy. There are going to be more downs that ups. My mom is probably going to get angry with me, my family might to, some people will understand, some wont, some will help out, some will watch from a distance, and others will just continue to completely ignore the situation as they have in the past. However, it doesn't matter. I realized last night, that even if it was just only me giving my mother some help, with the help of my God, I can do that. In a week I have seen more transformation in the situation than  I have in 7 years. In less than a year, our relationship has somewhat been restored.

No, she isn't healthy yet, and maybe she never will be...but she knows I love her. She's laughed this week. She's smiled. She's said thank you. She's trying to get her life together - whether she knows why it has fallen apart or not. She also knows I love this man called Jesus. She sees my actions, and sees the actions of everyone else around her. She sees me working hard for her. She sees something. In that, she's a little more hopeful. A little more trusting, and who knows maybe will be more open with her case worker that she meets today. She also agreed to check out Brooklife church. I've been trying to make that happen again for a long time. She's lost her way, I'm not quite sure where she stands on the topic, and I want to help guide her back.

So tonight I will go visit. Spend some time with my mother, and the other members of the Hebron House tonight. Because at the end of the day she's still my mother. At the end of the day she can still laugh, or cry or be angry...and I'd like to make it be that she laughs, and is happy and somewhat at peace.

Yes, I have another agenda...to help her seek medical help, get insurance, eventually find work again, etc. Hopefully that will come in time. But like all of us, when things are going badly, we don't always want to focus on them...nor should we. Sometimes we need a break...a good laugh...just time for some unjudged and unconditional love. My time with her doesn't always have to be stressful, I don't always have to feel pain. Neither does she. God's been there all along, I know this -- or she more than likely wouldnt still be here today.

That's my goal for tonight. Maybe watch a movie in this house with people who God loves just as much as you and me. People whom don't have the best situation in life, but if they have a story just like my mother does, I'd like to hearit if they want to share. Perhaps I have more to learn there, than most other places I might spend any other given night. I'm guessing I do. Sometimes the thing that seems too obvious... showing His love, and acting as Jesus would in any given situation, can help lead that person to finding peace in Him. I'm thinking its a combination of doing the obvious, and doind the neessary research to get her some help. Perhaps that was His plan all along. Either way, I am looking forward to spending an evening with 13 beautiful adults, and 14 beautiful children tonight.

Lastly, I have my own thank you, to God, for giving me strength, passion, compassion, peace, and a number of other things. Right up there with that thank you however, is to my mother. A thank you I may never give you to your face, unless you end up getting the help you need. But a thank you for making me who I am today. For making me a person who is more patient, more compassionate,better at handling problems and challenges, better and problem solving, better at managing my time. You've helped me do this. Without your struggles, I would have never been as well-rounded as I am today. Without your struggles, I would never be able to help someone in your situation. Without you I would be a little more judgemental, a little more impatient, and whole lot worse at handling stress. Without your struggles, I may not have pushed myself so hard through school. I may not have received honors. I may not be going back for my Master's. It is becauuse of you and my father that I want to be better. That I want to lead a better life. Without you I may have not found my way back to God.

So for that, I thank you.